Green Lake has historically been a haven to milfoil, ducks, migrating Canada geese, really bad pick-up basketball, English Premier League wannabes and these days, now that it's way too crowded to ride around the lake, it's also apparently the freaking dog walking capitol of the universe.

The other day Shelley and I went out for a leisurely stroll to enjoy a rare moment of Seattle winter sun and after seeing dog after dog pass us by we wondered how many we would encounter on our one lap around the lake. I blurted out, "40 dogs!" but Shelley, after giving this some careful thought said, "I think 25." So, coffee in hand we took off to walk and count.

Oh. My. God.

I had no idea... and how long has Martin lived in Seattle? The best thing is that part and parcel with being the dog walking capitol of the universe Green Lake has now also become the dog shit capitol of the universe. It seemed like every few (okay, maybe hundred) feet or so I was swerving left or right to avoid stepping in another pile. To be technically accurate, they weren't piles, they were just smears as someone else had already beaten me to it. At one point I even saw an elderly couple that were both stopping to scrape the soles of their shoes off on some piece of wood. Blech... Nothing quite as fun as finishing a brisk walk, getting back into your car (with carpeted interior of course) and realizing - too late - that you stepped in dog shit.

Which brings up the things I love about some dog owners. And in case you were wondering, I have previously had two dogs; now I know I can't offer them the quality of life they deserve.

• Ever watch the Dog Whisperer? You know, the show where Cesar Millan tells all these folks that they should stop treating their dogs like people? There was no shortage of owners being led around the lake by their dogs all the while talking to them in English telling them stuff like, "No!" Nice.
• If you can't control your dog with your voice, what are you doing taking it to such a crowded place? Likewise, if your dog does not like crowds, can you please put this trait ahead of your need to chat on the phone while ignoring the fact that there is a 60 lb animal bouncing all over the path in an effort to avoid (or attack - take your pick) everything that passes you by?
• If you have to carry your dog because it's too small to keep up, maybe you should leave it at home. It will get enough exercise just running to the door when you arrive every evening. It's resting heartrate is probably already 200 bpm; don't push it.
• When it comes to dog clothing, who decides if the dog really needs this or not? Did your dog tell you that it was cold? And who managed to upsell you from the cotton or wool horse blanket style garment to the Gortex shell with more pit zips, vents and technology than what was used to summit Everest 20  years ago?

ASIDE - check this out, for the obscenely devoted dog owner and homemaker with way too much time on their hands you can even get patterns and sew your own creations.

Animals, I love them, really. But they aren't people, people. And clean up after them, please.