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Saturday, March 22, 2008

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how to tell who's a tourist in Kauai

posted by: Martin

Anyone with a sunburn. Especially those with a burn in the pattern of a bathing suit they have not worn in 12 months or the shoulder straps of a tank top. Not to be confused with the person that has too much sun and looks like a well-tanned piece of cow hide; that's an aging Caucasian local or transplant.
The guy walking along the beach with his boogie board or surf board leash attached to his wrist or ankle.
Anyone with pants that zip off at the knee.
Anyone with a hat that is made of high-tech fabric and is supposed to wick moisture away from your head.
Most anyone in a Hawaiian shirt when it's not a special occasion.
The woman walking down the street wearing a flower lei.
The woman walking down the street wearing a flower lei like a necklace instead of letting it hang down in back as well as in front.
Anyone with a camera.
Just about anyone applying sun screen.
Pretty much anyone in any sandals other than zories. Locals don't wear Tevas, Keens, Chacos or anything with buckles or Velcro straps.
Anyone wearing socks. Like that guy with the hi-tech Eddy Bauer hat in the zip-off pants wearing white, crew length 'athletic' socks in his Teva sandals... yikes.
All those people that bring a HUGE bag of accessories to the beach filled with stuff like sun block, a camera, books, the legs of zip-off pants in case it gets cold...
Anyone that wears a raincoat when it rains. All the locals know it's 1) warm rain and 2) that it will stop very soon and all they have to do is hang out for five or 10 minutes.
Anyone driving a convertible Ford Mustang. Actually, anyone driving any Ford Mustang at all; they're all rental cars on Kauai.
People who check the weather forecast. What's to check? In the winter it ranges between 65-78 and in the summer it ranges between 70-82. It's gonna rain somewhere on the island every day and there will probably be wind. Get used to it.
People who think what the locals speak is called "Pigeon English" instead of pidgin.
Anyone that gets upset when you schedule a meeting for 4 in the afternoon and the other party is not there at 4:05.
Seemingly anyone worried about their hair; like keeping it in place or coloring it.
People who suggest the pool when someone asks, "Where should we go swimming today?"