And more, Jesus.

So there is this guy at the gym I go to that I have always thought was kinda amusing but today I decided he's pretty ridiculous as well. No really, I just did that. :)

Anyone who has lifted weights at a gym knows who I'm talking about... he's the guy that takes forever to complete a set while the world is waiting. Never mind that he might be using the only machine of this kind, you need to wait. He has developed this finely-tuned routine and damn it nobody is going to mess with it or his mojo during the whole psyching up process he goes through for every single set.

What am I talking about? Here goes.

• First of all this is one skinny dude. He obviously is doing something wrong because for the amount of time he goes to the gym he should be making serious gains. SERIOUS. What's the take-away from this people? Time in the gym does not gun show equal.
• He wears this completely comical white, terry cloth sweatband on his head. When I see it all I can think of is Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. And he never actually breaks a sweat. Ironic? Maybe just ridiculous.
• He's always sporting the full, gauntlet style weightlifting gloves complete with elastic Velcro band around the wrist. Why? To prevent the massive calluses his lengthy workouts might produce no doubt. I say might because for every hour this clown is at the gym he probably is actually lifting weights for about five minutes.
• He ALWAYS shows up to the gym in this white, really low, scooped neck tank top. I'm not sure what the neckline is called but I've only seen it in women's clothing catalogs. On the rare occasion he might have a sweatshirt over the tank top but it's there underneath, trust me. I could not help noticing that it's yellowed under the arms. Pit stains...?! Hello, how much can these things cost, $2.99? I say stock up if it's a regular part of your wardrobe. Please, if not for you then for the rest of us.
• Flexing, he's always flexing. If it's not a futile attempt to show off his his non-existent pecs then he's lifting his shirt to check out his own six pack in the mirror. And he'll do this from way across the gym when the mirror is not even close. I usually avert my eyes when this happens so I can't actually confirm the existence of said six pack but damn he does this a lot.
• Time is obviously not a factor in this guy's life; he obviously has tons. There is no other explanation for how long it takes him to complete a set. One day I literally watched him complete three sets of an exercise in the 30 minutes I was doing cardio. THREE SETS. He started out by carefully placing the weights on the machine. Then he would adjust his sweatband, his gloves, pace around a bit (channeling Arnold or something no doubt) and finally sit down. Then he had to close his eyes and rally his resources for the massive effort he about to undertake. After finally finishing one set, he would repeat this routine with the additions of walking to the other side of the gym and back (you gotta get your rest of course) and LINING UP THE HANDLES ON ALL THE WEIGHTS.) For the second and third set he took it to a whole new level. This chest press machine has a seatbelt. Not sure why you would fly off the seat while pushing on weights that force you down into it but it's there. And this guy has to use it. And adjust it. And tighten it. And adjust it some more. And tighten it some more. Oh my god, it makes me crazy just writing about this... And when he's done with his three mighty sets, does he put anything away? Of course not.

Of course the bigger question might be why Martin feels compelled to watch this guy and memorize all the details of his comical routine - I feel like it has been burned into my brain! Why can't I just do my thing and go home? Good question. But it's not the point here; I want to vent.

Okay, therapy session is over, I feel better now.

So... will the social networking never stop? That was of course rhetorical because we all know it never will.

My latest foray into this area is with Google Friend Connect which I just installed. On the surface this is a service/feature that you can add to any web site or blog which allows visitors or fans to have a richer, more social interaction on your site. If you dig a little deeper it's probably just about giving Google more info about your habits while on the Internet but hey, they know all that stuff already so why fight it? I'm only half kidding.

By default members can see who else is a member of your site, they can 'friend' people, see their presence, stuff like that. You can also install social widgets that let people chat with each other, rate pages on your site and even upload pictures and post links.

Of course there are some great videos on YouTube like this intro:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N94s7ix0JPo

or this great tutorial about how to add it to your site:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIEwUxMrJ4Y

or how to integrate Twitter into Google Friend Connect:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6wOQaUyTJk

It sounds like fun. Now I just need to get some people to join c r i m i n a l e . c o m...

I know, catchy little title for this post isn't it?

So last week I finally succumbed to the overwhelming weight that is SAD and went tanning at my gym. Not such a big deal, right? Well... not if you do it right and don't boil your booty so to speak.

Eight minutes the first day felt fine. 10 minutes the second day felt okay too. After 10 minutes on day three I needed moisturizer pretty much everywhere.

So I took the weekend off and did 10 more minutes today. Bad move.

Today I can NOT sit still. My ass (which is probably covered more than any other part of my body) is all prickly and tingly. I have to consciously tell myself not to scratch myself as I walk down the hall and I'm constantly shifting in my chair. It's like one of those slow tortures that isn't really going to hurt you, it's just going to drive you insane and break your spirit.

If I were an intelligent person, there might be a few take-aways from this experience.

• Deal with it. By the time SAD starts to kick in the sun is already out significantly longer than in the dead of winter. Daylight Saving Time is just around the corner! Well, two months is a pretty long corner but you get my drift.
• Cover your ass dummy! Unless you are a nudist it's probably okay to be pasty in that region.
• Take it easy! How about starting out with tanning every other day or even every third day? What's the big rush when it's only February? Besides, this time of year there is only one person in Martin's life that will see this tan.
• Hello...! Ever heard of skin cancer? Melanoma? 'Nuf said.

Of course knowing me once I recover from this agony the pain and discomfort will fade all too quickly and I will just end up repeating this mistake next winter or later this year even. If not under the radiation of indoor cookers then outdoors on a towel. Sigh...

On the bright side the itch is just in the back. :|