I have seen more big, brown frogs and 3" cockroaches. One was in our hotel room.

Last night I watched the movie "See You in the Morning" and one line from it reminded me of name_withheld. [ouch, here it starts - I guess it was too much to expect me to never mention her on this trip…] A divorced husband said something like, "Now that we're apart, the fact that we're apart justifies what we did but if we had stuck it out it would have just been a rough point in our relationship." [I THINK this means that sometimes problems seem kind of like an insurmountable obstacle but if you persevere, you may end up overcoming it] I love name_withheld but in the end she didn't love me back. She was embarrassed to do so I think. She didn't give me a chance. Frequently I said the wrong things but I always meant well and I think she knew that I meant well. She was always good at "reading" people. I think she felt like it was too much effort to give me a chance and to let go. It was much easier to let me help her convince herself that it wouldn't work. It is still hard to think about her. It's focked. [that's pronounced "fawked"] I didn't write her because I didn't know what to say. That is I know what I WANTED to say but of course I couldn't. Anything else would have seemed shallow and forced to me. [I'm not sure anymore if I wanted to tell her off or if I wanted to still express my unrequited love - gag me with a spoon - for her]

Aside - "I pray for the courage to grieve my losses." - Shakespeare

This is what name_withheld thought I couldn't do when Mom died. And it's just too fucking bad that she doesn't like Dad. God damn that makes me mad sometimes. She would project his faults onto me and direct her hatred of him against me. [Yikes! Where did that come from...? Please excuse all this drivel. I'm over it now - really]

Right then - a big breakfast followed by a trip to town to shop for lunch & dinner. A SUPER shower, long and extensive, and then the bus ride from hell. I had to get on the bus 30 minutes early so that I could get a seat by the window. It was sweltering and there wasn't much leg room and the seats were vinyl. The drive is four hours but the trip took five. We stopped at this market where I got a Coke and more Indian snacks. Then it was four hours at Nadi airport on more vinyl - my clothes are sticking to me. Finally I could go to the transit lunge which is air conditioned. Now it's a six hour flight to HI, sit in the airport for some time, fly to LA, sit for four hours, fly home. Home will be great. I wish Dad wasn't leaving so soon.

I sure hope I can move in with James and Kathleen. I'm getting excited about racing.

15 March (part II)

God - what a day. Nothing but eating, no sleep and sitting with insufficient leg-room. My ankles have both swollen quite a bit. I wish I knew why. [MAN I was stupid back then. Some might argue I still am...] In five hours it will be over. I'm hating it.

goodbye Fiji...